Monday, October 19, 2015

Don't Ask, Don't Tell; Stop Repeating the Cycle-- It's Not Helpful!



Hello my fellow Planned Parenthood people! Its Omiyea here sharing thoughts and ideas about “The Talk” with you, and how to make it a little less terrifying and a lot more productive.

DON'T ASK. DON'T TELL. STOP REPEATING THE CYCLE. IT’S NOT HELPFUL.

In what world has allowing the blind to lead the blind ever worked? In other words, what’s the point in letting a big cycle of confusion go on, and on, when you can just end it? We’re talking about the cycle of Don't Ask, Don't Tell when it comes to conversations about sexual health in the home. How does it go? Just like this: a teen’s body starts changing, or has changed, and they become sexually aware. New things are open to them and they need answers. Teens Don’t Ask their parents to explain anything because it’s way too weird and awkward to talk to them about this stuff. Or maybe it’s because the thought of an adult knowing their thinking about, or having, sex makes them feel gross, or ashamed, or like their doing something wrong.

But it doesn’t just stop there. Teens Don’t Ask but neither do parents. Parents Don’t Ask their teens how they are feeling or if they need to know anything for fear of the inevitable, which is that they actually need and want to know things. It’s hard, and understandably so, for parents to come to terms with their kids entering a mature part of life when they believe their kids minds aren’t necessarily mature enough to handle it. Not to mention they might feel like its way to weird a conversation to have. That’s right parents, we know it’s weird for you too.

For a lot of people it’s nearly impossible to allow their minds to put the innocent vision of their kids together with the explicit realities of the sexual realm. Some parents out there may have the “not my angel” mentality, which basically puts their teens up on a pedestal or believe that they can do no wrong. Thinking like this in terms of sex makes goodness synonymous with sexual inactivity, and paints being sexually active and being bad as evil twins.

Along with all this, it could just be your personal views and experience as a teen that keep you from talking about sex with your kids. For example if a parent strongly believes that sex should only take place on ones wedding night, then it would make sense in a lot of ways to not feel obligated to talk to your kids about sex and their bodies until hmm… they get engaged? The same could be said for your beliefs about the appropriate ages for sex; you may feel that because your kid hasn’t reached this magic number in your head that you don’t have to talk to them about the subject.

Any-who, after all this non-asking, then comes the inevitable and very silent Mr. Don’t Tell. Teens Don’t Tell their parents they need answers, and parents don’t exactly volunteer information. Teens are experiencing new emotions and sometimes finding themselves in very peculiar situations. But because they are concerned of feeling judged, embarrassed and disappointing they hold it in. Parents Don’t Tell their kids that what they are experiencing is a normal part of life. Stayed tuned next week when I discuss YOU DON’T KNOW, UNTIL YOU KNOW!

Monday, October 12, 2015

Ignoring it, muting it, and stalling it to no avail. Stop it, do you hear me? STOP IT RIGHT NOW!

Please enjoy another educational installment from our Youth Health Promoter series!  Please check out our first installment on legal consent vs parental consent here.



I am Omiyea, a Youth Health Promoter at Upper Hudson Planned Parenthood in Albany, and I have been given the opportunity to talk to you about the "big conversation”. I will try my best to give you some insight from a teen's point of view on many aspects of the matter, in the hopes that sharing my thoughts and ideas with you will help you, help parents, help their kids.

Sit tight because we’ve got a lot to say, and we thank you for being willing to listen. Let’s talk about talking about sex!



Ignoring it, muting it, and stalling it to no avail. Stop it, do you hear me? STOP IT RIGHT NOW!
by Omiyea Stanford

Way too often you will see parents dismiss all logical thought when it comes to the subject of sex and their kids, and don’t get me wrong; it's understandable as to why. Most times parents just want to preserve their child's innocence for as long as possible and protect them from the not so pretty realities of life-- which is fine. What’s NOT fine though is using this type of blind protective thinking as a guide in place of common sense reasoning, real facts, and straight forward honesty to deal with your confused, ever-changing, hormonal, and fertile teens. So lesson number one? Stop forcing the innocence of a child onto a physically, mentally, and sexually maturing human being.

A lot of times what you will see happening at home are these three things:  Parents trying to #1: ignore, #2: mute, or #3: stall their child’s budding sexuality. Parents ignore it by choosing not to acknowledge that their teens have changed, or are changing, into sexually able and conscious people. Instead parents continue to treat their teens like oblivious little kids in terms of sexuality and sexual awareness. Parents try to mute it by stringing up a curtain of pure stubborn iron will that keeps out all mention of sex and sexuality period point blank, in the home and any other place it can. Lastly, parents try to stall it by creating an overbearing and unrealistic network of rules, regulations, and morals that completely stomp out the slightest possibility of sex or any other outward display of sexual desire or expression like a stank, all-controlling, giant soul-crushing foot.

All three of these tactics and every other combination in-between works toward one simple and actually reasonable common goal: kids waiting to have sex. Having a mind to push your kids toward waiting is great and lovely-- beautiful even. But defaulting to these infamous three techniques to do it is NOT the way to go. Ok sure, sometimes these tactics work. But even more times they just result in any number, variance, or combination of rebellion, confusion, dishonesty, ignorance, misinformation, fear, and a crippled acceptance of oneself or one’s sexuality. And why? Because all of these tactics fail to acknowledge and normalize one common denominator: that sex is a basic human want and need. This is true for the most mature adult, and the most immature teen. To try to take out this one simple fact from the mix of logic behind any strategy put toward curbing the sexual agendas of sexually mature and/or maturing people, will result in either failure or some degree of harm. Let’s go out on a limb and make this an official no-no. As far as focusing on making your kids wait, maybe think about it this way: a lot of times once the mystery is taken out of something, it becomes less desirable. Educate the living day lights out of your teens about sex and sexuality and just maybe they won't be so eager to get things going. Even if this doesn’t work and your teen doesn't choose to wait after all, at least you could rest easy knowing that they know how to protect themselves and proceed safely. Parents? You’re welcome.

Monday, October 5, 2015

Legal Consent V.S Parental Consent

We are venturing into exciting territory here at the blog!  We are going to launch a series of entries by our Youth Health Promoters.  We are so proud of our educators and what they do for the community all around the Capital District.  So without further ado, please enjoy this enlightening post by our own Blinky Lawrence.


Legal Consent VS Parental Consent

By Blinky Lawrence


Blinky wants to teach you a thing.
In New York, the age of consent for sex is 17 years old. This applies to men and women, and applies to both heterosexual and same sex conduct. But as statistics show us, we know people are having sex before 17 years old. Not only are they having sex, but they are also getting pregnant and getting STDs at a crazy high rate. According to the CDC there were 12,733 births to women 19 years of age or younger in 2012, with 29 percent of this group aged 17 or younger. Statistics show nearly two out of three cases of chlamydia are among youth ages 15-24 and one out of three are aged 15-19.

We all understand why we have laws around consent, and the importance of them, but we all also know that they are nearly impossible to enforce in some cases. It is in my personal opinion that when it comes to the age of sexual consent that this is something that should be negotiated between teens and their parents or guardians (if they are under 18 and being cared for by an adult). I trust that by having a real conversation between the two, teens and parents can come up with a time or age they think is appropriate based on how they feel, and not a law.

I think it really should be up to the person that will be having sex to decide when or what age they are ready, without laws or pressure from other people telling them what to do. As a young adult I know I would rather have a talk with parents than feel like I’m breaking a law. I think instead of being so focused on the law we should focus on getting teens the information they need to make smart and healthy choices. You know-- like UHPP Youth Health promoters do every da
y.


!!SO LETS TALK ABOUT SEX!!

For more information on the Youth Health Educator program at UHPP, please call 518-434-5678 x 139 or email yhp@uhpp.org