Don't Ask, Don't Tell; Stop Repeating the Cycle-- It's Not Helpful!

Hello my fellow Planned Parenthood people! Its Omiyea here sharing thoughts and ideas about “The Talk” with you, and how to make it a little less terrifying and a lot more productive.

DON'T ASK. DON'T TELL. STOP REPEATING THE CYCLE. IT’S NOT HELPFUL.

In what world has allowing the blind to lead the blind ever worked? In other words, what’s the point in letting a big cycle of confusion go on, and on, when you can just end it? We’re talking about the cycle of Don't Ask, Don't Tell when it comes to conversations about sexual health in the home. How does it go? Just like this: a teen’s body starts changing, or has changed, and they become sexually aware. New things are open to them and they need answers. Teens Don’t Ask their parents to explain anything because it’s way too weird and awkward to talk to them about this stuff. Or maybe it’s because the thought of an adult knowing their thinking about, or having, sex makes them feel gross, or ashamed, or like their doing something wrong.

But it doesn’t just stop there. Teens Don’t Ask but neither do parents. Parents Don’t Ask their teens how they are feeling or if they need to know anything for fear of the inevitable, which is that they actually need and want to know things. It’s hard, and understandably so, for parents to come to terms with their kids entering a mature part of life when they believe their kids minds aren’t necessarily mature enough to handle it. Not to mention they might feel like its way to weird a conversation to have. That’s right parents, we know it’s weird for you too.

For a lot of people it’s nearly impossible to allow their minds to put the innocent vision of their kids together with the explicit realities of the sexual realm. Some parents out there may have the “not my angel” mentality, which basically puts their teens up on a pedestal or believe that they can do no wrong. Thinking like this in terms of sex makes goodness synonymous with sexual inactivity, and paints being sexually active and being bad as evil twins.

Along with all this, it could just be your personal views and experience as a teen that keep you from talking about sex with your kids. For example if a parent strongly believes that sex should only take place on ones wedding night, then it would make sense in a lot of ways to not feel obligated to talk to your kids about sex and their bodies until hmm… they get engaged? The same could be said for your beliefs about the appropriate ages for sex; you may feel that because your kid hasn’t reached this magic number in your head that you don’t have to talk to them about the subject.

Any-who, after all this non-asking, then comes the inevitable and very silent Mr. Don’t Tell. Teens Don’t Tell their parents they need answers, and parents don’t exactly volunteer information. Teens are experiencing new emotions and sometimes finding themselves in very peculiar situations. But because they are concerned of feeling judged, embarrassed and disappointing they hold it in. Parents Don’t Tell their kids that what they are experiencing is a normal part of life. Stayed tuned next week when I discuss YOU DON’T KNOW, UNTIL YOU KNOW!

Ignoring it, muting it, and stalling it to no avail. Stop it, do you hear me? STOP IT RIGHT NOW!

Please enjoy another educational installment from our Youth Health Promoter series!  Please check out our first installment on legal consent vs parental consent here.

I am Omiyea, a Youth Health Promoter at Upper Hudson Planned Parenthood in Albany, and I have been given the opportunity to talk to you about the "big conversation”. I will try my best to give you some insight from a teen's point of view on many aspects of the matter, in the hopes that sharing my thoughts and ideas with you will help you, help parents, help their kids.

Sit tight because we’ve got a lot to say, and we thank you for being willing to listen. Let’s talk about talking about sex!

Ignoring it, muting it, and stalling it to no avail. Stop it, do you hear me? STOP IT RIGHT NOW!

by Omiyea Stanford

Way too often you will see parents dismiss all logical thought when it comes to the subject of sex and their kids, and don’t get me wrong; it's understandable as to why. Most times parents just want to preserve their child's innocence for as long as possible and protect them from the not so pretty realities of life-- which is fine. What’s NOT fine though is using this type of blind protective thinking as a guide in place of common sense reasoning, real facts, and straight forward honesty to deal with your confused, ever-changing, hormonal, and fertile teens. So lesson number one? Stop forcing the innocence of a child onto a physically, mentally, and sexually maturing human being.

A lot of times what you will see happening at home are these three things:  Parents trying to #1: ignore, #2: mute, or #3: stall their child’s budding sexuality. Parents ignore it by choosing not to acknowledge that their teens have changed, or are changing, into sexually able and conscious people. Instead parents continue to treat their teens like oblivious little kids in terms of sexuality and sexual awareness. Parents try to mute it by stringing up a curtain of pure stubborn iron will that keeps out all mention of sex and sexuality period point blank, in the home and any other place it can. Lastly, parents try to stall it by creating an overbearing and unrealistic network of rules, regulations, and morals that completely stomp out the slightest possibility of sex or any other outward display of sexual desire or expression like a stank, all-controlling, giant soul-crushing foot.

All three of these tactics and every other combination in-between works toward one simple and actually reasonable common goal: kids waiting to have sex. Having a mind to push your kids toward waiting is great and lovely-- beautiful even. But defaulting to these infamous three techniques to do it is NOT the way to go. Ok sure, sometimes these tactics work. But even more times they just result in any number, variance, or combination of rebellion, confusion, dishonesty, ignorance, misinformation, fear, and a crippled acceptance of oneself or one’s sexuality. And why? Because all of these tactics fail to acknowledge and normalize one common denominator: that sex is a basic human want and need. This is true for the most mature adult, and the most immature teen. To try to take out this one simple fact from the mix of logic behind any strategy put toward curbing the sexual agendas of sexually mature and/or maturing people, will result in either failure or some degree of harm. Let’s go out on a limb and make this an official no-no. As far as focusing on making your kids wait, maybe think about it this way: a lot of times once the mystery is taken out of something, it becomes less desirable. Educate the living day lights out of your teens about sex and sexuality and just maybe they won't be so eager to get things going. Even if this doesn’t work and your teen doesn't choose to wait after all, at least you could rest easy knowing that they know how to protect themselves and proceed safely. Parents? You’re welcome.

Legal Consent V.S Parental Consent

We are venturing into exciting territory here at the blog!  We are going to launch a series of entries by our Youth Health Promoters.  We are so proud of our educators and what they do for the community all around the Capital District.  So without further ado, please enjoy this enlightening post by our own Blinky Lawrence.

Legal Consent VS Parental Consent

By Blinky Lawrence

Blinky wants to teach you a thing.

In New York, the age of consent for sex is 17 years old. This applies to men and women, and applies to both heterosexual and same sex conduct. But as statistics show us, we know people are having sex before 17 years old. Not only are they having sex, but they are also getting pregnant and getting STDs at a crazy high rate. According to the CDC there were 12,733 births to women 19 years of age or younger in 2012, with 29 percent of this group aged 17 or younger. Statistics show nearly two out of three cases of chlamydia are among youth ages 15-24 and one out of three are aged 15-19.

We all understand why we have laws around consent, and the importance of them, but we all also know that they are nearly impossible to enforce in some cases. It is in my personal opinion that when it comes to the age of sexual consent that this is something that should be negotiated between teens and their parents or guardians (if they are under 18 and being cared for by an adult). I trust that by having a real conversation between the two, teens and parents can come up with a time or age they think is appropriate based on how they feel, and not a law.

I think it really should be up to the person that will be having sex to decide when or what age they are ready, without laws or pressure from other people telling them what to do. As a young adult I know I would rather have a talk with parents than feel like I’m breaking a law. I think instead of being so focused on the law we should focus on getting teens the information they need to make smart and healthy choices. You know-- like UHPP Youth Health promoters do every day.

!!SO LETS TALK ABOUT SEX!!

For more information on the Youth Health Educator program at UHPP, please call 518-434-5678 x 139 or email yhp@uhpp.org

Last chance for tickets to see movie star Kathleen Turner at the Planned Parenthood Gala!

Upper Hudson Planned Parenthood invites you!

Friday, October 2, 2015

Ferris Grand Ballroom of The Hilton Garden Inn, 235 Hoosick Street in Troy

Please join Upper Hudson Planned Parenthood as we celebrate A Legacy of Choice, an evening with film and stage star, and tireless advocate for reproductive health, Kathleen Turner.

VIP cocktail reception with Ms. Turner for Honorary Committee members will be held in the Roebling Library at 6 pm.

Our Legacy of Choice dinner and program will be held in the Ferris Grand Ballroom at 6:30, including the presentation of the Giraffe Award to Ms. Turner, for sticking out her neck to support women, abortion and reproductive rights.

UHPP will also honor three amazing local volunteers who've passionately supported services and programs for the people we care for.

VIP Cocktail Reception (Honorary Committee) at 6:00 pm
General Admission Cocktail Reception at 6:30 pm
Dinner & Program at 7:00 pm

Check out this article about Kathleen Turner's involvement with Planned Parenthood, and click here to purchase tickets to the gala. If you have any questions, please call 518.434.5678 x.121.
 

The Shocking-Poster Attack- still a trusty fallback for radical antiabortionists!

Submitted by UHPP Board Member Dyrleif Bjarnadottir

It's been a rough few weeks for Planned Parenthood supporters. A radical group of antiabortionists is on the offensive, releasing tapes from what they are calling an "undercover sting operation", supposedly showing Planned Parenthood employees callously talking about selling human body parts. One look at any one of the tapes quickly confirms that this is not actually what is happening. But the insinuation has been made and the climate created for discussing this as if it were a real possibility. So we must endure for a while answering questions about legitimate practices carried out according to the strictest government standards by highly trained professionals in certified state of the art clinics, as if unscrupulous individuals were engaged in shady unethical doings for profit. Endurance is the name of the game here - the bully is on the playground who cannot be reasoned with, we must stand patiently and endure the taunting and teasing and even the occasional injury, knowing that we have the high ground, that we are right, but the bully still gets the attention of the hour.

So what can we learn from the recent and ongoing "Undercover tape" events? No new and interesting facts about Planned Parenthood have come to light. We already knew that a few Planned Parenthood clinics in the country collect fetal tissue for research. We already knew that Planned Parenthood follows the strict rules set out by government agencies about human tissue samples, collecting, storing, and use. We know there is informed consent from the women who make the choice to donate their fetuses for scientific research and we know that the money that changes hands as a result of the collection of these samples is solely for the storing and proper shipping. (As a side note here: It is always useful to remember that informed consent is a big deal in modern medical research. Many people, scientists, doctors, clinicians, ethicists, philosophers, and policymakers, spend good portions of their careers making sure that we get both parts of the process right, the informed part and the consent part).

What we have been reminded of is that facts were not the issue in the first place. The people who spent 3 years gaining access to and secretly taping Planned Parenthood employees, the people who lied about who they were and presented fake identification, who collected hours upon hours of footage so they could edit it to make it say whatever they wanted, those people didn't care about the facts. Again, nothing new here. What is mildly interesting is how completely without shame this radical wing of the anti-abortion movement is. There is no accountability anywhere in this chain of events. Accountability, as in having a reference point in reality that guides your actions. Without the minimal integrity provided by a standard of honesty or accountability you can pretty much reach your goal by any means you can come up with. In this case the anti-abortionists took a leaf out of an old playbook, and in the absence of any facts to support their claim, they appealed directly to emotion. The edited snippets in the tapes shown to the public and the politicians they want to influence are a much more elaborate and high tech version of the gruesome posters of aborted fetuses we have seen paraded in front of health centers, designed to shock and evoke negative emotions. They have set out to create an emotional response of disgust amongst people who are already inclined to support their views. They do this to create an environment of confusion and emotional upheaval because, in such an environment, the levelheaded scrutiny that prevents their agenda from going forward, may temporarily take the backseat.

A prime example of how the 'shocking poster effect' works can be seen in some of the media coverage of the past several days. Take a look at George Stephanopoulos interviewing Cecile Richards on NBC a few days after the first tape hit the airways.  Mr. Stephanopoulos hones in on the "tone" of the PP employee in the video. Not on the facts diligently presented or on the points repeatedly made that exonerate Planned Parenthood of any of the accusations made. It is the tone of the woman on the tape that is incriminating. If we learn nothing else from this episode of attacks, let’s take note of this: The case against Planned Parenthood relies on gruesome posters and the many forms they take in our technologically advanced world. This time it took the form of the "wrong tone of voice". Thankfully our elected representatives still see the difference between shock tactics and facts. At least some of them.

Facts about the Latest Video Smear Attack on Planned Parenthood

"On July 14, anti-abortion activists with a long record of deceiving the public released their latest campaign — the latest in a seven-year string of false bills of goods they seek to sell to the media and the public."

Click here to read:

Some additional points:

● I will not back down. I will not be silenced. I will continue to fight for what is right and stand with #PlannedParenthood— no matter what.

● Anti-abortion extremists trying to silence me will be sorely disappointed. I won't back down from speaking truth.

● This harassment is unacceptable. I refuse to be bullied. I refuse to be undone by triggering comments. I refuse to be silenced.

Remember, Planned Parenthood is the most trusted women’s health care provider in this country, and we have provided high-quality care for nearly 100 years. Nothing is more important to us than the health and safety of our patients.

This is just the latest political attack on women's health. The group behind this fraud has done 10 separate attack campaigns like this over the last eight years.

These tapes are heavily doctored, and the full tapes show that it is false and outrageous to suggest that Planned Parenthood profits from women’s decisions to donate fetal tissue. To be clear: There is nothing in these videos that suggest any violation of law.

In this new video, extremists badgered and hounded a longtime physician for hours, trying to get her to discuss unethical and criminal activity that she doesn’t engage in or know anything about.

The real agenda here is becoming clearer every day. These false claims are being used to advance a political agenda to ban abortion and to defund Planned Parenthood, which would cut 2.7 million people off of birth control, lifesaving cancer screenings, STD testing and treatment, and other preventive health care services.

Also, check out PPFA president Cecile Richards' statement about the attacks.

Save Title X!!!

From Planned Parenthood Action:

"They're back. Four years after we stopped Congress our opponents are at it again. They are attacking women and men's access to basic and essential care by pushing a bill that would eliminate federal funding for Title X, the grant program dedicated to funding family planning. That means cuts to federal funding for birth control, lifesaving cancer screenings, HIV testing, and other essential care that Planned Parenthood health centers provide every day."

This is actually a huge deal. Title X was established by Richard Nixon in 1970 because he understood the importance of everyone, regardless of income or social status, having access to family planning services. These services include cancer screenings, birth control, STI testing and treatment, and other preventative care.*

Even the Wikipedia definition sounds important:

"Title X is the only federal grant program dedicated solely to providing individuals with comprehensive family planning and related preventive health services."

Why on earth would you get rid of that?!  But believe it or not, there are already states who refuse Title X funding for reasons that I cannot comprehend, and their people suffer for it by having to pay exorbitant fees for these fundamental services. If it was eliminated altogether it would be a disaster. Doesn't Congress understand that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure? What do they think this will do to the national average of teen pregnancies and STI rates?  Please, lend your voice to cause and help stop this madness. Sign the petition, Tell your friends.  Let everyone know that Congress needs to leave Title X alone!


*Title X does not include funding for abortion services.

Happy Pride Month!

I adore Pride Month.  I live off of Lark street, and rainbow decorations adorn almost every shop or stoop.  The First Presbyterian Church at the corner of Willett and State streets decks out in rainbow bunting, and everything just seems a little more bright and cheery.  Maybe that's just me being happy by witnessing first-hand the effects of living in a progressive neighborhood.  Acceptance and love are far more pleasant than judgment and hate.  But let's not dwell on that point.  I don't want to spend time writing about people who don't deserve a moment's thought because they are rotten on the inside.  I'd rather talk about the fact that this Saturday, I get to march in the Pride parade!

Every year, UHPP marches under their banner in support of equality and gay rights, and it's one of my favorite events of the year.  There is nothing quite like rounding the corner from Lark and State, and having everyone cheer for you.  I imagine that's sort of the point of the day;  people showing their love and appreciation for those who may be beaten down by so many.  There is so much acceptance and happiness in the air, and it's one hell of a drug (and I'm not simply referring to the guys in spandex doing yoga on the float in front of us).

Here is the extra good news;  if you would like to march with us, you can!  You'll get a T-shirt so we all match, and you can bring a partner, friend, pet...whomever.  I always march with my dog and he seems equal parts excited and confused by the occasion, but he's a good boy.  I suppose the preceding sentence could also apply to my husband. I kid!  But if you really are interested in supporting equality and UHPP, join us by emailing our HR and Volunteer Associate Amy Wolff at amywolff@uhpp.org or 518-434-5678 x.144.  We'd love to have you.  Not convinced yet?  Then take a look at some photos from years past.

My dog, my blog...deal with it

The Troy Valley Cat!

I wasn't kidding about the yoga spandex bros. Poor Jack, bahaha

With Mayor Kathy Sheehan in the park post-march

"Sorry Babe, You're a Feminist!"

In the past, the term "feminism" has been so thoroughly dragged through the mud that it now has horribly negative connotations.  I grew up hearing the term "feminazi" used in my own home.  I was too young to know any better back then, and I thought that anything that came from the mouths of my parents was the gospel truth.  However, I now realize how much damage that this smear campaign has caused over the years.

The term "feminazi" alone is so jacked up that I can't even deal with it. To compare women fighting for equality to a group of people who exterminated millions of people is just wrong. The opposition was convinced that women were looking for special treatment somehow.  That we wanted more than what was afforded to men-- and what would that be, exactly? What the hell were they afraid of?!

Basically, yeah.

This was the temperature of the equality movement of the 70's and 80's when I was growing up.  It was such an effective technique of inflicting negative spin, that feminists are afraid to consider themselves feminists, even today.

So for that reason alone, I'm not really angry at the folks that don't want to use the word, despite good intentions.  It's not their fault that ignorant jerks throughout the years have ruined it for us.  But that simple fact does not change what we are.  We are activists, continuing to fight the good fight, and it's time to take it back.  Maybe you'll go so far as to attend a rally or speak with your legislators.  Maybe it's signing an online petition or putting a sticker on your car.  Whatever it is, own your stance and your passion.  Don't let the opposition bully you into fearing who you really are.

If you're with me, then I think you'll appreciate this hilarious little ditty from comedian Katie Goodman.  Check it out. Tell your friends. Spread the word, and remember; there is nothing wrong with being a feminist.  It's the people who are so terrified of women achieving equality that they need to equate us with war criminals who have a problem.

Join UHPP for an inspiring movie night.

VESSEL: A fearless sea captain sails a ship through loopholes in international law, providing abortions
on the high seas, and leaving in her wake a network of emboldened activists who trust women to handle abortion on their own terms.

Thursday, April 30th at 6:30 pm at The Arts Center in Troy. Tickets: $20 per person ($10 for students). For more information visit our event page at Eventbrite.

Vessel begins with a young doctor who lived by the sea, and an unlikely idea. Rebecca Gomperts, horrified by the realities created by anti-abortion law around the world, felt compelled to challenge this. Her method: to provide abortions on a ship in offshore waters.

Her project, Women on Waves, begins as flawed spectacle, a media frenzy, faced with governmental, religious, and military blockades. But with each setback comes a more refined mission, until Rebecca has the revelation that she can use new technologies to bypass law – and train women to give themselves safe abortions using WHO-sanctioned protocols with pills.

We witness the creation of an underground network of emboldened, informed activists, working at the cutting edge of global reproductive rights, who trust women to handle abortion themselves. Vessel is Rebecca’s story: one of a woman who heard and answered a calling, and transformed a wildly improbable idea into a global movement.

Check out the trailer!

Anne Hathaway is a BAMF

Word.

Male Politician Epic Fails at Female Anatomy

I couldn't make this junk up if I tried.  Jezebel nailed it, so I'm just going to leave this here:

Our friend Vito [Barbieri, Rep. Idaho] asked Dr. Julie Madsen, who was testifying against [a bill that would ban doctors from prescribing abortion-inducing medication through telemedicine], if women could simply swallow a camera in order for doctors to perform remote gynecological exams. Madsen I assume chocked back cries of utter disdain and horror before explaining that “swallowed pills do not end up in the vagina.” (read more)

Seriously....what?  I mean, I know it's "lady parts" but I thought this stuff was common knowledge by now.  These are people we elect to office.  These are the people who are deciding which laws will legislate our lives and well-being, and he doesn't know how a freaking vagina works.  This guy has a wife and three kids, and somehow missed this.

I will leave you with the foundation shaking implications of this. Really take a moment to let this sink in.

I would like conclude by also pointing out that the official website for the Idaho legislature chose papyrus as its font.  

[Bustle] 6 Anti-Abortion Politicians To Watch Out For As The Fight Heats Up In 2015

As feared, the are many new challenges the pro-choice movement (along with many other proponents of a number of civil rights causes) will be facing with the new Republican-led Congress.  This post from Bustle highlights who we need to watch out for.  The fact that there are women on this list is extremely disappointing.

In its first three days, Congress introduced five anti-abortion measures. Five. It seems that limiting women’s access to safe abortion is on par with the Keystone XL pipeline, another harmful Republican favorite. The House re-introduced a bill that would restrict abortion limits to 20 weeks, which already passed the Republican-led chamber in 2013. Representatives will vote on the bill on Jan. 22, the anniversary of Roe v. Wade, to commemorate their embarrassing backpedaling on human rights. Meanwhile, the Senate took aim at Planned Parenthood funding and created a legislative obstacle course for abortion providers, particularly outside of urban areas. Ah, what a start!

Find out who is on the list. And a side note to Millennials: Please go vote.  We needed your voice in the last elections and you didn't turn up. You are an intelligent and impassioned group of people calling for social change, but you need to make your voice heard at the polls or it's all for naught.  I was astonished by the election results, considering the current conservative platform is growing increasingly unfavorable among Millennial and Gen-Y voters who desire social reform. Please-- we can't let this continue. Vote, vote, vote!